You’ll Never Pee Alone – Never Again


Here we are, Huey and I, in the bathroom of a soft play centre. For those of you in the States, a soft play centre is a gigantic indoor play room with soft structures for little ones to play on.  Maybe you are now wondering why I’m standing in front of a mirror in the bathroom of our local soft play centre.  You can’t hear that my child is screaming quite loudly and is clutching a small ride-able car which he will not be parted with. He doesn’t care that Daddy has to pee either.  And I’m really hoping that no one walks in and sees me here as I’m fairly sure it not the done thing to bring toys from the centre into the bathroom with you.

I feel like I’ve broken some unwritten code of parenting that says you won’t infect other children with bacteria. For that reason, I dare not put him or the car down either.  He’s also not wearing shoes and the floor is basically spotted with pee.  I’d been busting to pee for the last 40 minutes but I was unable to get the boy off his car.  Every time I tried, he screamed bloody murder.  Time was running out for me and my bladder.  I’m over 40 and my bladder had stretched close to bursting point when I decide to take evasive action.

Thinking how clever I am, I usher the boy towards the bathroom door then once there I take a look around to see if anyone is watching. The coast is clear so I scoop up the boy who remains firmly attached to his car and I make my way to the urinal. He’s kicking and screaming and the car is getting flung around everywhere . However compared to the tantrum he would have had if I had taken the car away from him, this is only a minor incident!   I struggle to get my flies undone and then do my business as he madly flails and screams and kicks…. It was not fun!

With business taken care of, I prepare for my exit (of course after washing up) and I crack the door ever so slightly to look around.  It seems that no one is in sight so I make my escape. Just then the manger walks around the corner and we make eye contact for the briefest of seconds before my head drops and I scurry away into the play area. That’s it! I’ve been busted! I’m now officially a ” toilet toy taker ” and everyone will know. I’ll just plead ignorance if they say anything. I’ll do whatever I can because I cannot be banned from here, my kids love it too much at the play centre. Sometimes, these are the lengths that us parents have to go to to just empty our bladders.  When a parent tries to sneak off to the bathroom or just has to go right away, it can get a bit crazy at times.

I hope this photo makes you all feel better every time a little person is banging at the bathroom door, or peeking under the door, or wiggling the door handle, or throwing himself against the door or just generally inhibiting your bladder in anyway.  You could have been in my shoes.  If you ever were, I’d love to hear about it!

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